Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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