Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
