Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
