Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
