new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
