Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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