A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
