i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i permit you to call me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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