Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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