the day after is always just damage control
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
