your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
