Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you will always have a special place in my vag
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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