I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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