suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
