For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
