So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
