How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
