Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
