I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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