They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
