i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
