I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
