come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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