On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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