I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
