You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
