Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize