Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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