i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i've created a new STD.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
