It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
