Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
