I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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