that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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