I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
