I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
