in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
