I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
