Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
nutella sex= disaster
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize