My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
