I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize