I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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