I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
