yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
