I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
