Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize