You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
