this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Damn victory sex feels great
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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