So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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