my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
