Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
