Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
