I bet he comes in French.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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