ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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