I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I will be naked everywhere
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
