I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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