Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
