I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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