we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
