I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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