It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
