Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
