Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
