That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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