ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
