wat bout pragnant strippers??
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
