After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize