Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
