He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
