Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
