Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
