Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
