He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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