Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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