I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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