Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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