i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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