the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The feeling are messing with the penis
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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