I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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