I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
