who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
