What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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