BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
