Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
