i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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