I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
