Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
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