I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
