and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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