new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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