Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize